your walls know about me.

don't they?

they know my name, my face. 

the whispers, spoken softly.

they know the grown-out words,

that you tattooed into my soul.

 

they observe the wrecked dynamite.

the earth shattering, smile bending love,

that you exude.

that seeps out of your skin onto the bed i've slept in.

soaking me in tears i didnt cry myself.

 

so hide me, drown me in your ink filled fingers.

glide them thinner, thinner, thinner on those walls.

until i'm invisible to all four.

 

-s 

do you smell it?

the smoke.

don't choke - swallow me whole. 

fogging up your eyelids.

blink, blink, blink.

close your eyes.

don't let me in.

 

am i nobody to you?

or am i everybody.

do you see me in all the faces,

every place you go.

do you hear me in the voices,

telling you to 

let.

me.

go.

 

am i nobody or is anyone anybody?

 

-s

do you feel it?

on the tips of your ears.

the back of your neck.

the ends of your heels.

for i am not the wind,

but a mere hoax.

i'm the voice in your head.

familiar, but just born.

the ache in your heart,

when they don't look at you right.

the dark that's missing the light. 

the worn pavement,

darkened with each petal of rain.

 

the constant companion who is there,

until you know her name.

 

-s

i feel as if i am too much.

too heavy for you to think about,

too burdensome for you to just brush off.

i know the feeling,

of you looking past me,

as if i am not enough.

shrugging off my touch.

i can feel it on your skin.

its telling me to give up.

to stop feeding the fire that won't warm me.

to stop gluing back together the person

that doesn't want me.

 

so i've put down the lighter,

and thrown away the thought,

of letting you see me.

because am i too much?

or not enough.

 

-s

do you ever wonder about us?

 

i mean,

do you sit in the dark,

staring into the air,

telling it what you ache for.

do you ever describe me?

 

do you see the way i look at you?

holding onto everything you say,

grasping your half filled words, 

until they fall like the pit in my stomach.

shattering like glass.

 

the glass that i gave you,

my heart.

tender yet tough.

delicate yet seemingly unbreakable.

but you can tell when somethings been fixed,

after it's been broken before.

 

but we dropped it.

both hands broke free,

it slipped between our fingers.

yet i sometimes think,

do you ever wonder about me?

 

-s

do you think that there is a world,

a universe, 

a different dimension,

that's meant for our love?

my love, 

my sue.

you've been looking so blue.

is it the baby, or the brother, 

or the way we can't love each other?

 

my tiny dancer,

spinning around the floor.

i would scrape the bark off the last tree,

use the last trickle of ink,

to write for you,

sue.

you said you could love me tomorrow,

but tomorrow never came.

 

-s

i may be over you, 

completely out of love,

drained of the infatuation,

but i still get butterflies when i see you.

when you walk in the room.

when you smile. 

they come alive, eating at my heart.

telling me to try and relight the candle,

that once used to burn and now sits in ashes.

 

what do i do now that your candle burned out too?

 

-s

you know it's true.

how couldn’t you notice?

from the way i looked at you.

tried so hard to make my eyes sing to you,

to reach from my chair across the room,

and shake your shoulders saying,

can't you see i'm in love with you?

 

but it’s him, isn't it.

he took my face and replaced it with something new.

he took what wasn't mine and threw it up to the moon,

farther, farther, farther.

until getting it back,

means losing myself too. 

 

-s

i want to bask in the sunlight.

let it soak in my hair, my cheeks, my lips,

turning my eyes a lighter shade of green.

the young warm wind whispering, 

“stay here”, 

 

but yet i sit here in the dark,

holding the curtains close with my fists. 

forcing myself in this darkness,

because who am i to deserve the sun? 

when i am made shadowless.

 

-s